What I Was Working Toward

The Dream, the Fractures, and the Path to a New World

I grew up in Cologne – in a family where sports dictated absolutely everything. No one around me had anything to do with art; instead, all family members were elite athletes and worked in that field. From an early age, sports were my only identity, my compass, and my purpose in life. I tried every sport until my focus shifted entirely to volleyball.

At 16, I made it into the youth national team and moved to the sports boarding school in Frankfurt, Germany, for two years. My life was crystal clear and aligned toward a single goal: the dream of becoming a professional, making it all the way to the top, and spending every free second on the court. But already at the age of 16, I had to undergo my first knee surgery – a first minor setback on a path that was supposed to be unstoppable.

After my time in Frankfurt, I moved to Berlin to continue playing at the highest level. But after just one month, the shock followed: another knee injury, another surgery, and a forced break of a year and a half. The dream I had pursued since childhood shattered overnight. I had to give up everything my life was built upon. In that time of silence, I began to paint.

Between Two Worlds

To this day, life often feels surreal. Many of my closest friends are still professional volleyball and beach volleyball players. I still move in this sports world, hang out with pros, and feel this deep connection – while simultaneously standing out there as an artist. I am caught between these two worlds: on one hand, the longing for the old, familiar athlete's life; on the other hand, the unbridled freedom and opportunity of my new reality.

The Endless Stream of Ideas

Painting became not only an outlet, but a necessity. My mind never stands still – even at night in bed, I often cannot find rest because I constantly have hundreds of ideas for new paintings in my head. I have ideas for thousands of more works. During my travels in recent years, where I was on the road almost continuously, I started capturing this flood of thoughts immediately wherever I could: on anything within reach, such as banknotes.

The artwork "What I Was Working Toward" is the visual foundation of this entire journey. It shows the look back at sports, the pain of giving up, and simultaneously the moment when a completely new artistic calling grew out of the lost dream.